i drove around in my car for like an hour tonight listening to music. my car has a fantastic speaker system. it had stopped raining by the time i started to drive. did slide on water a few times on 183. some songs can make…

i have gained about 25 pounds since Lucy died. i eat all the things. i do not fit into my clothes. all my t-shirts are too tight. people keep commenting on how big my boobs have gotten (my friends, not weird creepy people...oh wait...my friends…

april is when i see my new psychiatrist. my old one fired me. wtf? this what my brain is doing to me these days. not even vaguely hiding things in symbolism. this is why i am afraid: my most recent dream this morning. i was…

if i were to go back and read all my old posts (many of which are no longer up, i need to fix that), i bet most of them are complaining. i bet most of them are about fear. or hurt. sure, part of my…

my roommate died Sept 13th. lucy called 911 at 7am. i was told her heart stopped when they transferred her to the gurney. they worked on her for an hour. couldn't bring her back. we had these rituals that are gone. the night before we…