2010-03-23
ahhhhhhhhhh
drugs.
yesterday i woke up with a kink in my shoulder. no reason, just there. then i went to andreas' to watch the last LOTR movie (and some other stuff) and it got worse. like, suddenly, i was in constant pain. he whipped out this awesome self-heating oil and rubbed it. we could hear the crunchy thing go 'crunch crunch' as he tried to make it better. it did feel better, no more constant pain, but it was still there (thanks honey-pie!). then i slept on his REALLY big pillows. i am a little pillow sleeper normally (note to self: buy little pillow far sleep-overs at andreas' house). work up not able to turn my head. and yet, i couldn't take any drugs until 10 pm because i had to drive to class at 3! grrrr! went to gym to work-out. i expected that i wouldn't be able to lift, but it wasn't a problem at all. in fact, it helped. but it still hurt. then i got home. and took some drugs. and now i feel awesome. the end.
the capo is killing my tail right now. his basically sitting on my butt beating the crap out of my white tail. he seems very happy. i am just going to leave him there.
my therapist and i talked about how i pick friends today. when i was young, i wanted to be everyone's friend. it didn't matter how they treated me, i just wanted friends. after some bad experiences, some growth in self-confidence and understanding myself better i became more choosey. today i realized more specifically why there are some people i keep my distance from. energy. see, when i make friends, i am all in. it is almost like a marriage, for better or for worse. i am going pro-actively get out there and make sure i am doing whatever i can to help my friends have happy lives. and that takes a lot of energy. energy i am HAPPY to give! some people though, i realize, i don't work with. martyrs and drama queens. this may be an overly obvious statement, i mean, who consciously decides they want to be friends with martyrs and drama queens? but being my way is to be there come hell or high water, i have to be careful not to get involved with people that are going to take more of their fair share of my energy. or who are going to take it for real problems. hm. when elizabeth and i talked about this, it sounded more eloquent. it sounds sort of mean now. but i don't think it is. i think it is healthy. you don't kick a person when they are down, regardless of the reason, but it is best, for me, to just avoid those people where the down is going to be too often and too self-generated. feel free to ask me questions that might allow me to explain this better. it really is a good thing, i swear.
Comments:
2010-03-24
Auntie Bellum wrote:
You have written a lot about feeling adrift lately, without a job, nebulous future etc. With this in mind, would you take a chance on being friends with someone in your current situation if you are using your potential friend evaluation system for lack of a better phrase? Or do you think that such a person would be carrying too many burdens and would be a high risk for sapping your emotional energy? I am not asking this to be snarky or anything, just more of a rhetorical question about whether your system is always valid and might be hindering you from building some worthwhile relationships or be used as an excuse for not stretching your emotional muscles?
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