2010-02-28
i can only imagine
i am surprised that my body is able to keep up with all the changing stress in my life. i know that americans that are unemployed or have lost their homes aren't doing well physically. a lot of it is our diets and lack of exercise (i am sort of lucky in this way, though i could certainly eat better), but still, how much negative can a body stand? my bad news this week, i was informed by my rep at workforce solutions that my TAA money for school is not confirmed. even though i have been approved for the program and have been told all my plans are within guidelines, when we submit my final plan (i am going to this school, to study this, and this is how much it will cost) i can still be turned down. and she had a client that was just turned down for the nursing program they got accepted to. which makes no sense to me whatsoever. on top of that, my UI benefits run out in 2 weeks and the senate, or rather Sen. Jim Bunning, R-Ky, has blocked an extension. really? i have gone through half of my retirement (though there were a few big ticket, one-offs in there). doesn't the fact i have been a good citizen, given back to society where i could, helping those with less, taking my responsibilities seriously, count for anything? no. not really. not in this truly random world. were i more cut-throat or better at faking it, i am sure i would be doing ok. but i have never been either of those things and i feel i will fail as a result. i am so afraid it is all going to completely fall apart. that i won't be able to take care of myself anymore. what could be a greater failure than that? (this does not include when we get old and infirmed, it is societies responsibility to help us then. i just know it doesn't always). i just feel so helpless. i try, i work hard, but it doesn't seem to matter. more rocks in my way and i am running out of energy.
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